The Oxford American, Issue 65; Article: Taste Buds by Beth Ann Fennelly
"We accumulate friendships over a lifetime, but we shed them, too, when they stop proving vital, like species, adapting over generations, that finds it no longer needs a limb."
So I don't know what my problem is but in general I don't get obsessed with something I read but this particular quote just hit me. I'm riding on The Bus, on my way to work, trying to ignore the rude dude practically rubbing his butt against my shoulder while I was reading and this amazing quote just ups and grabs me. The article wasn't solely focused on friendship, but more about southern food (random I know...but then again that's me). But she did write this amazing line.
I've always acknowledged that the older you get, the smaller your pool of friends become because you grow, you become different people, your lives and interests just change. It's a fact. But I've been lucky to have the friends I have, many of whom have been in my life for more than 12 years, some even longer.
But what I loved about the quote was the severing of ties, of letting go of those no longer vital. That's amazing to me because I've only ever done that a few times in my life and recently had to do it again. We weren't the best of friends but we had been friends for more than 10 years. I had to end it because her continual behaviour toward me showed how much she didn't respect our friendship. Hey, I can be blunt if necessary but with her...totally over her head. Her last message to me, paraphrasing of course: "Well, I haven't heard from you in a while, so maybe you're mad at me. I guess I should've called to say I wasn't going to meet you so I'm sorry. Anyways, there's this movie coming out and I'd like to see it with you." Some shitte like that, totally not even acknowledging that she had done me wrong.
I had drafted an email to this ex-friend after hearing this message expaining why I was mad, why her behaviour continually sucked, and why this last action was the last straw. I asked another friend to read it before I sent it and although she agreed with everything I said, she wisely asked if I really wanted to severe ties with this girl. She said the best answer to my anger was to acknowledge with a "yes, I am mad" and leave it at that. The end. If, after so many years of knowing each other she still doesn't acknowledge her shitty behaviour, another email from me explaining why she sucks isn't going to help. Too true and so the communication was severed.
I miss her sometimes but again, the older I get the less patience I have for stupidity. And who wants stupidity in their lives. Thank you friends, who've been there forever or just recently added to my life. Thank you for understanding that friendship is more than just a word.
